"There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that they have been heard."- Victoria Alexander

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        Like Grief Speaks 4 Teens on Facebook and read anonymous cards written by teens about what they are struggling with, how they feel and what helps them cope.

        Check out Miles, our adorable Grief Speaks' Therapy Dog who stars in some brand new YouTube Clips, as he and friends learns about coping with grief and loss. Visit the Miles page on this site or click here

Grief Speaks conducts workshops, presentations, keynotes and in-service trainings for schools, hospitals, businesses, agencies, communities, and organizations.  Lisa speaks to adults, teenagers and children about Coping with Losses, Transitions and Grief. Audiences leave with a better understanding of how grief manifests in children, teens and adults. Lisa teaches that grief is not only from a death loss but from such issues as loss of relationship, loss of possessions, loss of identity, loss of hope and dreams, loss of skills and abilities, loss of the future, loss of safety, loss of environment and more. She teaches that some loss is tangible while other loss is intangible. Lisa provides many coping tools and strategies that can be used by young children, elementary level, middle schoolers and teenagers. Lisa creates an interactive program that changes the way her participants view grief and how they may now support a fellow griever.  Lisa speaks all over NJ in elementary, middle and high schools as well as colleges and universities. Students and school staff benefit tremendously from the wide variety of presentation topics that Grief Speaks offers.

• Lisa was the keynote speaker for the New York Council on Problem Gambling in Albany on May 11, 2012. Her topic: Gambling and Grief: Exploring the Connections.
• Lisa presented to the New Jersey School Counselor's Association Conference in October, 2011 on Supporting Students Coping with a Death: Sudden or Anticipated. Helping students cope with a death of a parent, friend, pet, grandparent or other important person in their lives.
  
• Lisa spoke in Minnesota on September 12 and 13, 2011, to students K-12, faculty and staff of schools and the entire community in an evening program on Coping with Grief and Loss. 
• Lisa presented an all day program at the New Jersey Community College Counselors' Association Annual Conference on December 10th, 2010. "Responding to a loss: Grief Counseling interventions for community college professionals". Brookdale Community College 8:30AM- 3:30PM
• Lisa presented to the NJ State School Nurses' Association at the NJEA Teacher Convention in Atlantic City: a 3 hour workshop: Beyond Band-aids: Supporting Grieving Students as a School Nurse  11/4/10
  
• Lisa presented two sessions for the Wellness Community: When a Family is Affected by Cancer: Strengthening the School's Response "When Students Grieve, How Schools Can Help"- 10/26/10 at the Bridgewater Manor
• Lisa presented to the N.J. Community College Counselors for their mini conference on Suicide: What College Counselors Need to Know on 2/18/11
• Lisa presented to the Essex County School Nurse Association in February, 2011
• Lisa presented at the Bergen County DFYS staff in February 2011 
• Lisa presented to the N.J.School Counselors Association on When Grief Affects a School in October 2011 for their annual fall conference.
• Lisa presented a workshop called Grief and Gambling in September for the Compulsive Gambling Association of NJ at their annual conference.
  
• Lisa presented at an elementary school in Minnesota on Coping with Grief and Loss While Building Resiliency in Children to faculty, students and parents.
• Lisa facilitated Suicide Prevention Programs to the North Plainfield School System 

Grief Speaks is also available to come out in the event of a loss at school, work or in the community to speak about the loss and grief, which is a very important topic yet often avoided in our society. Often grief becomes like the elephant in the room, clearly present, but often unacknowledged. It is valuable and important that we do not pretend that everything is still the same after a loss has occurred. Unresolved and unacknowledged grief can lead to a lack of joy, depression, unhealthy risk taking behaviors, promiscuity, substance abuse and addictions, emotional problems, difficulty in relationships, academic failure, apathy, delinquency, anxiety, rage, self harm and even suicide or homicide.

Some Thoughts on Grief

It is crucial that we don't ignore grief or pretend it isn't there. Stuffing and avoiding it only causes it to fade from the surface and erupt later and in different, and often destructive ways. Grief is normal and natural. We need to acknowledge another's loss and grief, be understanding and patient that each person grieves in his own time and in her own way. Say something like "I am so sorry to hear about your loss". So often grievers feel left to handle the loss alone, as others are so afraid of saying the wrong thing, so they say or do nothing.

Offer a hug, send a card, show up, partake in the rituals, acknowledge the loss,  bake some cookies, share memories of their loved one, just sit with them and allow them to express their grief. Don't force someone to talk about it. Trust that if a person feels safe, respected and supported during their time of loss, they will grieve. When we love someone and lose them we grieve. Many say that grief is a sign of love. However,  we grieve those relationships that were full of conflict and hurt too. Don't assume that the relationship was only positive. It is healthy for the griever to be able to talk about the happy and the less than happy memories. Grant one another permission to grieve. Grief is a process, not an event. In our fast paced world, we long for speed grief. We grow impatient when others are "not over it" yet or "still sad". We think that there is a time frame for grief and often act like the "grief police" letting others know that they are violating their allowed time. Grievers need bumper stickers that read, "I am grieving as fast as I can" or "Griever on Board". We must do the difficult and at times exhausting 'grief work' if we are to begin the healing process and to be able to once again engage in life and relationships fully.  

What Schools Say About Grief Speaks:

"Thank you for taking the time to present to our school. The staff, students, and parents learned a great deal about recognizing when someone is grieving. We also learned about the many types of losses that may cause someone to grieve. Your presentations at our faculty and PTA meetings helped us to identify grief in others, especially our students, while providing strategies to assist those who are grieving. Through your classroom presentations, our students gained an understanding of how to deal with their own losses and how to be sensitive to anyone who is grieving from a loss. In the short time since your presentations, we have already experienced the benefits from them. The staff, counselor and I have begun using strategies learned to assist our students. On behalf of the entire faculty at James Caldwell School, I appreciate your support and welcome you back next year."

- David Rennie, Principal at James Caldwell School, Springfield, NJ.

What High School Students Say About Grief Speaks:

"It was so refreshing to have someone talk to us about dealing with different kinds of grief.  For me, this was the first time anyone has even spoken to me about how to handle loss.  It took so much tension from my life when I realized that all of the anger I was feeling was really just masked grief."  HS senior

" Thank you for helping me with my friend who has a dad who was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. He is going to die and now I have learned things to do and say that can be helpful and help her as well through it.  Thank you for helping". HS sophomore

"Thanks for coming in. I learned that I am in grief over being overweight  My friends tease me a lot and I go along with it and make fun of myself when really it hurts, and I wish so bad that I wasn't overweight." HS Freshman

"I can't thank you enough. My dad died two years ago and not one kid in school talked about my dad after that. You came and gave permission to the kids to talk to me again. My best friend and I haven't spoken in the past two years much at all, and now after your talk, we sat and talked for an hour. He apologized and told me he didn't think he should bring up the death. Now we have our friendship back. I am so grateful that you came in. The kids are now talking to me about my dad and it is a relief." 

 "I think every student from Kindergarten up through high school should hear these presentations. This is so much more important than math." HS senior

What Middle Schoolers Have to Say to Lisa after her 1 hour presentation in their classroom:

"The assembly was helpful as it taught me that it is okay to cry. My favorite part was when we talked about what helps when we are feeling upset."  "I thought this talk was very useful as it taught us how to get your stress out. I like how we got to share stuff on a card with her and she read it outloud and gave us help with our difficulties." "I think Grief Speaks was a cool assmbly. I liked the idea of writing a letter when you are mad, but not sending it to the person. I think I will use these ideas the next time I have to deal with tough stuff in my life." "This program really helped me with dealing with the death of some of my relatives. I now have some things that I can do like make a memory box or write them a letter saying everything I didn't get to say to them. I also learned that you can go to a guidance counselor at school to talk about your problems, not just about school work."  "I feel bad for anyone who missed this assembly. It was great. It can save kids from going into gangs or even the wrong crowd. I think it was incredible. I hope that they continue this so the next generation will receive the privilege of hearing this talk!"

What Elementary School Students Have to Say:

• "I learned from your presentation that when you are grieving you can talk to someone about it. I also learned that it is okay to be sad when we lose someone we love.  I learned a lot from your lesson. It really helped. "
• "I thank you for explaining grief. I had it but didn't know what it was called. When I was younger my cat died. I loved him a lot and miss him still. You taught me that is okay. Thanks." 
• "When you came in I then realized what grief means and what it is. I know what I can do and that it is okay to feel the way I feel."   
• "You have shown me some ways to get my frustrations out. Thank you for teaching us about grief."
• "I learned that it doesn't have to be a death to feel grief. Thank you for teaching us about grief. It is good to know about since we all have losses." 
• "Thank you for telling us that it isn't our fault when our parents fight or even get divorced. I thought it was my fault. Now I know it isn't. I feel much better now. I am so glad you came to our school."             
• "Now I know how to make a scream box and am going home to make one for each person in my family. They can stop yelling at each other so much. Thanks."
• "Thanks for reading us the book about the cat who died. I got some good ideas now since my dog is old."
• "I am glad you came to our school. Adults don't talk to kids much about this stuff and it is something we think about. You let us ask questions and share what we wanted to share. Thank you."                     

What Teachers Have to Say:

"Lisa was excellent, motivating and relevant to this population." A High School Teacher in Union, NJ

"I am more aware of the grief factor in my students now." A High school teacher in Union, NJ

"Outstanding presentation. My staff had such positive and favorable comments about her presentation and it was very informative. This helped all of our teachers." Virginia Ladd, Director of Far Hills Country Day School, Intermediate School

What Hospitals Have to Say:

"Lisa's talk was phenomenally good. She was spontaneous and absolutely riveting, with more than enough important content to anchor the stories she told. I wish I had the talk on tape, both for the value it had for me personally as well as for professional use. I intend to have her come speak to the family medicine residents here at the hospital. I would urge all of the other residencies to consider her as well."  Stuart Green,  PMH, LCSW,  Associate  Director of Overlook Hospital  Family Medicine Residency Program, Summit
 

What Counselors Have to Say:

"She's excellent - I want to put her in my pocket and take her home."  - Morris County 2008 NJ Student Assistant Professionals Conference

"Lisa was inspiring, funny, engaging with great tools, ideas and book suggestions"

"Your workshop was really engaging and amazing. I learned so much that I am able to apply daily! Thank you for your dedication and knowledge on grief work. It is so important!" Counselor at a Livingston Elementary School (Sept 08)

What Others Have to Say:

" We pay psychotherapists to cure it, take Prozac to mute it, seek counseling from religions which exhort us to rise above it, read inspirational books to overcome it, join recovery groups and self-help groups to cope with it, spend millions to escape it, use alcohol, drugs, food, work, possessions, sex, entertainment and all the techno-toys we can get to distract ourselves from it." - Margaret Greenspan, Healing Throught the Dark Emotion

• addictions
• bullying
• cutting and other self injurious behaviors
• depression
• violence
• rage
• fatigue
• headaches
• irritability
• acting out behavior
• anxiety
• eating disorders
• fights
• isolation
• learning difficulties
• post traumatic stress disorder
• perfectionism
• abuse
• bullying
• suicide
• homicide

"There are many sorrows in today's world! These sorrows are due to hunger, to dislodging, to all kinds of illness. I am convinced that the greatest sorrow of all sorrows is to feel alone, to feel unwanted, deprived of all affection. It consists in not having anyone....May we all be instruments of peace, of love, and of compassion." -Mother Teresa