• Supportive, but not trying to fix the person
• About feelings
• Non active, not telling anyone what to do
• Admitting he/she can't make it better
• Not asking for something or someone to change their feelings
• Not time limited
• Able to sit and tolerate silence and tears
• Able to sit and listen and listen and listen
• Interested in the story the griever tells

Unhelpful Traits when with a Griever

• They want to fix the loss
• They are about our discomfort
• They are directive in nature
• They rationalize or try to explain loss
• They may be judgemental
• Not about the griever
• May minimize the loss
• May compare or contrast the loss
• Put a time-line on loss and grief
• May share their own loss instead of listening to mine at this time (there is time for that in the future, just not right now).