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The National Domestic Violence Hotline Number: 1-800-799-SAFE  (7233) or TTY  1-800-787-3224
 
What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner: 

  • Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
  • Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
  • Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
  • Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
  • Does not want you to work.
  • Controls finances or refuses to share money.
  • Punishes you by withholding affection.
  • Expects you to ask permission.
  • Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
  • Humiliates you in any way. 

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:

  • Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
  • Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
  • Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
  • Scared you by driving recklessly.
  • Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
  • Forced you to leave your home.
  • Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
  • Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
  • Hurt your children.
  • Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:

  • Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
  • Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
  • Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
  • Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
  • Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
  • Held you down during sex.
  • Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
  • Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
  • Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
  • Ignored your feelings regarding sex.

If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions you may be in an abusive relationship; please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or your local domestic violence center to talk with someone about it.

Each year in America approximately 4 million women are battered by their partners.  Domestic abuse affects people of all socioeconomic, racial, ethnic, and religious groups. Children from homes of domestic violence suffer physical abuse, or neglect at a much higher rate than the national average. Children who witness abuse suffer emotional trauma.  They may experience confusion, stress and fear, which can lead to stress induced health problems. Domestic abuse is a crime and can result in the abuser being removed or restrained from the home and/or jailed. 
 

Loveisrespect.org  (Love is Respect)  National Dating Abuse Helpline | 1-866-331-9474 | 1-866-331-8453 TTY

loveisrespect.org provides resources for teens, parents, friends and family, Peer Advocates, government officials, law enforcement officials and the general public. All communication is confidential and anonymous.

About the Helpline

loveisrespect, National Dating Abuse Helpline was launched in February 2007 with help from founding sponsor, Liz Clairborne Inc. It is a national 24-hour resource that can be accessed by phone or the internet, specifically designed for teens and young adults. The Helpline and loveisrespect.org offer real-time one-on-one support from trained Peer Advocates. Managed by the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH), loveisrespect, National Dating Abuse Helpline operates from a call center in Austin, Texas.

Peer Advocates are trained to offer support, information and advocacy to those involved in dating abuse relationships as well as concerned parents, teachers, clergy, law enforcement, and service providers.

Contact Love is Respect (loveisrespect)

If you have questions about teen dating abuse, please contact them at www.loveisrespect.org   If you wish to remain anonymous please enter “site visitor” in the ‘name’ fields or leave them blank. An email address is required to use this form.

However, if you do not feel safe receiving email, please go to a safe location and contact the National Dating Abuse Helpline at:
- 1-866-331-9474, or
- TTY 1-866-331-8453

If you are looking to order mini posters and quiz cards as seen at an exhibit, please use this form. You can also find print-ready pdfs in our resource center.

JBWS: Jersey Battered Women's Service:  24 hour helpline:  1-877-782-2873   (877-R-U-ABUSED)
 
Domestic Violence is when one person controls another or coerces the other in an intimate relationship. Types of abuse include physical, verbal, emotional, economic and sexual as well as intimidation and threats of violence.   
Who are the victims?  Most are women abused by men. However there are cases of women who abuse their male partner, women who abuse women and men who abuse men.  A person may be a victim even if he/she is not legally married to the abusive partner, is gay or lesbian, separated or divorces or is abuse by someone else in the home such as a parent, sibling or child.
 
Why doesn't the victim leave?
Most victims want to leave and may try to leave. Some times their partner uses intimidation and violence to stop them, and they fear retaliation. Victims don't stay because they like or need the abuse. They stay, hoping the violence will end, because they are financially dependent on the abuser, lack alternative housing, or are trying to keep the family together. They stay hoping change is possible. 
 
Services offered by JBWS:
 
24 hour helpline - Emergency safe house for women and their children - Counseling and legal assistance- Children's services
Transitional housing- life skills education- Vocational counseling- Community education- Training for professionals- Teenage Dating abuse prevention- Batterers Intervention 
 
More than 75 paid staff and over 100 volunteers work together with the help of the community to fulfill the agency mission.   
 
WomensLaw.org was founded in February 2000 by a group of lawyers, teachers, advocates, and web designers interested in seeing the power of the Internet work for more disadvantaged people and specifically for survivors of domestic violence. We pulled together our experiences and resources and launched this website in October 2001.  WomensLaw.org changed its formal name from Women's Law Initiative in 2005.  

The Mission of WomensLaw.org is to provide easy-to-understand legal information and resources to women living with or escaping domestic violence or sexual assault. By reaching out through the Internet, we empower women and girls to lead independent lives, free from abuse.    
 
What School Staff Can Do About Domestic Violence
 
School staff can help students deal with domestic violence and dating abuse. Principals, teachers, nurses, aids, counselors, bus drivers, crossing guards, custodians and other support staff can model respect in relationships, create safety for all students, assist students affecting by dating abuse and domestic violence, and motivate students to create change.
 
  • Learn more about domestic violence and dating abuse and how it impacts the students in your school.
  • Invite speakers such as Jersey Battered Women's Shelters to conduct trainings about domestic violence, the impact of it on children, teen dating abuse, how to help students experiencing this and resoruces for school personnel.
  • Sponsor seminars for parents about fostering healthy relationship and information about domestic violence and dating abuse.
  • Recognize that dating violence happens for same-sex couples too and provide information about domestic violence and dating violence.
  • Conduct dating abuse prevention education in health classes. 
  • Have written information about domestic violence and dating violence available to students, parents and school staff. Hang flyers in the bathrooms, main office, school nurse's office and other common areas.
  • Sponsor and encourage student led events, such as a dating abuse prevention week, or other activities from student leadership groups.
  • Investigate your school district policy on domestic violence and dating abuse. If you think they need revising ask the JBWS for help.
  • Prevent language in schools that is dehumanizing and sexist. 
  • Create a culture where physical, emotional, sexual abuse, along with controlling and coercive behavior is unacceptable.
  • Have male teachers, coaches and other male school staff model respect in their relationships. "Coaching Boys into Men" through the Family Violence Prevention Fund is a useful resource.  
For more information or to schedule a presentation through JBWS call Community Relations Department at 973-267-7520      WWW.JBWS.org
 
 
The YWCA of Eastern Union County is a non profit organization serving the women, children and families of Union County since 1920. The YWCA EUC's services include a 24 hour hotline, temporary emergency shelter, supportive housing, advocacy, counseling, children's services and legal advocacy, accompanniment and representation.
 
Empty Place: remembers victims of domestic violence
"An Empty Place at the Table" an event to honor the memory of victims of domestic violence. The event will take place in The Little Theater in the University Center at Kean University, 1000 Morris Ave, Union on Oct 26, 2009. The time is 3-8 pm.   Lisa Regina is an artist educator who utilizes her skills in acting, writing and directing to create projects that shed light on stories that often go unheard. Regina's non profit organization , A Write to Heal, evolved after Lisa's traumatic assualt on April 2, 2005. Her physical and emotional injuries led the actress to utilize her artistic skills in an alternate way towards healing through the medium of writing and performance. Surviving family member are invited to be involved in their family member's place setting. If you have a loved one who has lost their life to domestic violence and wish to have their lives memorialized, feel free to contact Kris at 908-518-9911. 
 
Domestic violence affects every member of the family, including the children. Family violence creates a home environment where children live in constant fear.
Children who witness family violence are affected in ways similar to children who are physically abused.. They are often unable to establish nurturing bonds with either parent Children are at greater risk for abuse and neglect if they live in a violent home.
Statistics show that over 3 million children witness violence in their home each year. Those who see and hear violence in the home suffer physically and emotionally.

"Families under stress produce children under stress. If a spouse is being abused and there are children in the home, the children are affected by the abuse." (Ackerman and Pickering, 1989)

Dynamics of domestic violence are unhealthy for children:
  • control of family by one dominant member.
  • abuse of a parent.
  • isolation.
  • protecting the "family secret".
Children react to their environment in different ways, and reactions can vary depending on the child's gender and age.
Children exposed to family violence are more likely to develop social, emotional, psychological and or behavioral problems than those who are not. Recent research indicates that children who witness domestic violence show more anxiety, low self esteem, depression, anger and temperament problems than children who do not witness violence in the home. The trauma they experience can show up in emotional, behavioral, social and physical disturbances that effect their development and can continue into adulthood.

Some potential effects:

Emotional
  • Grief for family and personal losses.
  • Shame, guilt, and self blame.
  • Confusion about conflicting feelings toward parents.
  • Fear of abandonment, or expressing emotions, the unknown or personal injury.
  • Anger.
  • Depression and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.
  • Embarrassment.
Behavioral
  • Acting out or withdrawing.
  • Aggressive or passive.
  • Refusing to go to school.
  • Care taking; acting as a parent substitute.
  • Lying to avoid confrontation.
  • Rigid defenses.
  • Excessive attention seeking.
  • Bedwetting and nightmares.
  • Out of control behavior.
  • Reduced intellectual competency.
  • Manipulation, dependency, mood swings.
Social
  • Isolation from friends and relatives.
  • Stormy relationships.
  • Difficulty in trusting, especially adults.
  • Poor anger management and problem solving skills.
  • Excessive social involvement to avoid home.
  • Passivity with peers or bullying.
  • Engaged in exploitative relationships as perpetrator or victim.
Physical
  • Somatic complaints, headaches and stomachaches.
  • Nervous, anxious, short attention span.
  • Tired and lethargic.
  • Frequently ill.
  • Poor personal hygiene.
  • Regression in development.
  • High risk play.  
For Parents- Giving Children Love and Care
Nurturing children from abusive homes can bring healing to their lives. In giving needed love and care to children, it is important for a parent to reflect these essentials:
  • Trust and Respect
  • Acknowledge children's right to have their own feelings, friends, activities and opinions. 
  • Promote independence, allow for privacy and respect their feelings for the other parent. 
  • Believe in them.
  • Provide Emotional Security
  • Talk and act so children feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves. Be gentle. Be dependable.
  • Provide Physical Security
  • Provide healthy food, safe shelter and appropriate clothing. Teach personal hygiene and nutrition. Monitor safety. Maintain a family routine. Attend to wounds.
  • Provide Discipline
  • Be consistent; ensure that rules are appropriate to age and development of the child. Be clear about limits and expectations. Use discipline to give instruction, not to punish.
  • Give Time
  • Participate in your children's lives, in their activities, school, sports, special events, celebrations and friends. Include your children in your activities. Reveal who you are to your children.
  • Encourage and Support
  • Be affirming. Encourage children to follow their interests. Let children disagree with you. Recognize improvement. Teach new skills. Let them make mistakes.
  • Give Affection
  • Express verbal and physical affection. Be affectionate when your children are physically or emotionally hurt.
  • Care for Yourself
  • Give yourself personal time. Keep yourself healthy. Maintain friendships. Accept love.
 
National Resources
 
Batterers Anonymous: National 
Self help program for men wish to control their anger and eliminate their abusive behavior toward women. Buddy system. Group development manual (9.95)  Write Batterers Anonymous, c/o Dr. Jerry Goffman, 1040 Mt. Vernon Ave, G 306, Colton CA 92324   email:  jerrygoffman@hotmail.com
 
Pathways To Peace Inc.
 
Self help program for anger management. In addition, offers education assistance with starting groups.  Web site:  www.pathwaystopeaceinc.com
 
ONLINE:
 
Abused Guys: Online, Provides support for male victims of domestic violence. Offers online chat room and message forum. Must join the group to post.   Web site:  http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/abusedguys    email   abusedguy@yahoo.com
 
Battered Husbands Support:  Online, founded 1998. Support for men who have been or who are currently being battered by his female or male partner.  Offers message boards, chat room and useful links.  Web site:  http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/batteredhusbandssupport
 
Women's Emotional Abuse Support, online, Founded 1999.  Offers mutual support and understanding for victims of verbal abuse. Provides message boards, chat room, links and email group.  Web site:  http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/womansemotionalabusesupport 

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