The National Domestic Violence Hotline Number: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
What is Domestic Violence?
violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over
an intimate partner. Abuse
is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This
includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any
race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are
dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
- Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
- Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
- Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
- Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
- Does not want you to work.
- Controls finances or refuses to share money.
- Punishes you by withholding affection.
- Expects you to ask permission.
to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
you in any way.
You may be in a physically
abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
- Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
- Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
- Scared you by driving recklessly.
Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
- Forced you
to leave your home.
- Trapped you in your home or
kept you from leaving.
- Prevented you from calling
police or seeking medical attention.
- Hurt your
- Used physical force in sexual situations.
You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
- Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
- Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
- Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
- Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
- Held you down during sex.
- Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
- Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
- Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
- Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions you may be in an abusive relationship;
please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or your local domestic
violence center to talk with someone about it.
Each year in America approximately 4 million women are battered by their partners.
Domestic abuse affects people of all socioeconomic, racial, ethnic, and religious groups. Children from homes of domestic
violence suffer physical abuse, or neglect at a much higher rate than the national average. Children who witness abuse suffer
emotional trauma. They may experience confusion, stress and fear, which can lead to stress induced health problems.
Domestic abuse is a crime and can result in the abuser being removed or restrained from the home and/or jailed.
loveisrespect.org provides resources for teens, parents, friends and family,
Peer Advocates, government officials, law enforcement officials and the general public. All communication is confidential
About the Helpline
loveisrespect, National Dating Abuse Helpline was launched in February
2007 with help from founding sponsor, Liz Clairborne Inc. It is a national 24-hour resource that can be accessed by phone
or the internet, specifically designed for teens and young adults. The Helpline and loveisrespect.org offer real-time one-on-one
support from trained Peer Advocates. Managed by the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH), loveisrespect, National Dating
Abuse Helpline operates from a call center in Austin, Texas.
Peer Advocates are trained to offer support, information and advocacy to those involved in dating abuse relationships
as well as concerned parents, teachers, clergy, law enforcement, and service providers.
Contact Love is Respect (loveisrespect)
If you have questions about teen dating abuse, please contact them at www.loveisrespect.org If you wish to remain anonymous please enter “site visitor” in the ‘name’
fields or leave them blank. An email address is required to use this form.
However, if you do not feel safe receiving email, please go to a safe location and contact
the National Dating Abuse Helpline at:
- 1-866-331-9474, or
- TTY 1-866-331-8453
If you are looking to order mini posters and quiz cards
as seen at an exhibit, please use this form. You can also find print-ready pdfs in our resource center.
JBWS: Jersey Battered Women's Service: 24 hour helpline: 1-877-782-2873
Domestic Violence is when one person controls
another or coerces the other in an intimate relationship. Types of abuse include physical, verbal, emotional, economic and
sexual as well as intimidation and threats of violence.
Who are the victims? Most are women abused by men. However there
are cases of women who abuse their male partner, women who abuse women and men who abuse men. A person may be a victim
even if he/she is not legally married to the abusive partner, is gay or lesbian, separated or divorces or is abuse by someone
else in the home such as a parent, sibling or child.
Why doesn't the victim leave?
Most victims want
to leave and may try to leave. Some times their partner uses intimidation and violence to stop them, and they fear retaliation.
Victims don't stay because they like or need the abuse. They stay, hoping the violence will end, because they are financially
dependent on the abuser, lack alternative housing, or are trying to keep the family together. They stay hoping change is possible.
Services offered by JBWS:
24 hour helpline - Emergency safe house for women and their children - Counseling and
legal assistance- Children's services
Transitional housing- life skills education- Vocational counseling- Community
education- Training for professionals- Teenage Dating abuse prevention- Batterers Intervention
More than 75 paid staff and over 100 volunteers work together with the help of the
community to fulfill the agency mission.
WomensLaw.org was founded in February 2000 by a group of lawyers, teachers, advocates, and web designers interested in seeing the power
of the Internet work for more disadvantaged people and specifically for survivors of domestic violence. We pulled together
our experiences and resources and launched this website in October 2001. WomensLaw.org changed its formal name from
Women's Law Initiative in 2005.
The Mission of WomensLaw.org is to provide easy-to-understand legal information and resources to women living
with or escaping domestic violence or sexual assault. By reaching out through the Internet, we empower women and girls to
lead independent lives, free from abuse.
School Staff Can Do About Domestic Violence
School staff can help students deal with domestic violence and dating abuse. Principals,
teachers, nurses, aids, counselors, bus drivers, crossing guards, custodians and other support staff can model respect in
relationships, create safety for all students, assist students affecting by dating abuse and domestic violence, and motivate
students to create change.
more about domestic violence and dating abuse and how it impacts the students in your school.
- Invite speakers such as Jersey Battered
Women's Shelters to conduct trainings about domestic violence, the impact of it on children, teen dating abuse, how to help
students experiencing this and resoruces for school personnel.
- Sponsor seminars for parents about fostering healthy relationship and
information about domestic violence and dating abuse.
- Recognize that dating violence happens for same-sex couples too and provide information
about domestic violence and dating violence.
- Conduct dating abuse prevention education in health classes.
- Have written information about domestic
violence and dating violence available to students, parents and school staff. Hang flyers in the bathrooms, main office, school
nurse's office and other common areas.
- Sponsor and encourage student led events, such as a dating abuse prevention week, or other activities
from student leadership groups.
- Investigate your school district policy on domestic violence and dating abuse. If you think they need
revising ask the JBWS for help.
- Prevent language in schools that is dehumanizing and sexist.
- Create a culture where physical, emotional, sexual abuse, along with
controlling and coercive behavior is unacceptable.
- Have male teachers, coaches and other male school staff model respect in their relationships. "Coaching
Boys into Men" through the Family Violence Prevention Fund is a useful resource.
For more information or to schedule a presentation through JBWS call Community Relations Department at 973-267-7520 WWW.JBWS.org
The YWCA of Eastern Union County is a non profit
organization serving the women, children and families of Union County since 1920. The YWCA EUC's services include a 24 hour
hotline, temporary emergency shelter, supportive housing, advocacy, counseling, children's services and legal advocacy, accompanniment
Empty Place: remembers victims of domestic violence
"An Empty Place at the Table" an event to honor the memory of victims of domestic violence.
The event will take place in The Little Theater in the University Center at Kean University, 1000 Morris Ave, Union on Oct
26, 2009. The time is 3-8 pm. Lisa Regina is an artist educator who utilizes her skills in acting, writing and directing
to create projects that shed light on stories that often go unheard. Regina's non profit organization , A Write to Heal, evolved
after Lisa's traumatic assualt on April 2, 2005. Her physical and emotional injuries led the actress to utilize her artistic
skills in an alternate way towards healing through the medium of writing and performance. Surviving family member are invited
to be involved in their family member's place setting. If you have a loved one who has lost their life to domestic violence
and wish to have their lives memorialized, feel free to contact Kris at 908-518-9911.
Domestic violence affects every member of the family, including the children. Family violence creates a home environment
where children live in constant fear.
Children who witness family violence are affected in ways similar to children who
are physically abused.. They are often unable to establish nurturing bonds with either parent Children are at greater risk for abuse and neglect if they live in
a violent home.
Statistics show that over 3 million children witness violence in their home each year. Those who see
and hear violence in the home suffer physically and emotionally.
"Families under stress produce children under stress. If a spouse is being abused and there are children in
the home, the children are affected by the abuse." (Ackerman and Pickering, 1989)
Dynamics of domestic violence
are unhealthy for children:
Children react to their environment
in different ways, and reactions can vary depending on the child's gender and age.
- control of family by one dominant member.
- abuse of a parent.
the "family secret".
Children exposed to family violence
are more likely to develop social, emotional, psychological and or behavioral problems than those who are not. Recent research
indicates that children who witness domestic violence show more anxiety, low self esteem, depression, anger and temperament
problems than children who do not witness violence in the home. The trauma they experience can show up in emotional, behavioral,
social and physical disturbances that effect their development and can continue into adulthood.
Some potential effects:
- Grief for family and personal losses.
- Shame, guilt, and self blame.
- Confusion about conflicting feelings toward parents.
- Fear of abandonment, or expressing emotions, the unknown or personal injury.
and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.
- Acting out or withdrawing.
- Aggressive or passive.
- Refusing to go to school.
taking; acting as a parent substitute.
- Lying to avoid confrontation.
- Rigid defenses.
- Excessive attention
- Bedwetting and nightmares.
- Out of control behavior.
- Reduced intellectual competency.
dependency, mood swings.
from friends and relatives.
- Stormy relationships.
- Difficulty in trusting, especially adults.
anger management and problem solving skills.
- Excessive social involvement to avoid home.
- Passivity with peers
- Engaged in exploitative relationships as perpetrator or victim.
- Somatic complaints, headaches and stomachaches.
- Nervous, anxious, short attention
- Tired and lethargic.
- Frequently ill.
- Poor personal hygiene.
- Regression in development.
Parents- Giving Children Love and Care
Nurturing children from abusive homes can bring healing to their lives. In giving needed love and care to children,
it is important for a parent to reflect these essentials:
- Trust and Respect
children's right to have their own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.
- Promote independence, allow for
privacy and respect their feelings for the other parent.
- Believe in them.
- Provide Emotional Security
and act so children feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves. Be gentle. Be dependable.
- Provide Physical Security
healthy food, safe shelter and appropriate clothing. Teach personal hygiene and nutrition. Monitor safety. Maintain a family
routine. Attend to wounds.
- Provide Discipline
- Be consistent; ensure that rules are appropriate to age and
development of the child. Be clear about limits and expectations. Use discipline to give instruction, not to punish.
- Participate in your children's lives, in their activities, school, sports, special events, celebrations and friends.
Include your children in your activities. Reveal who you are to your children.
- Encourage and Support
- Be affirming.
Encourage children to follow their interests. Let children disagree with you. Recognize improvement. Teach new skills. Let
them make mistakes.
- Give Affection
- Express verbal and physical affection. Be affectionate when your children
are physically or emotionally hurt.
- Care for Yourself
- Give yourself personal time. Keep yourself healthy.
Maintain friendships. Accept love.
Batterers Anonymous: National
Self help program for men wish to control their anger and eliminate their abusive behavior
toward women. Buddy system. Group development manual (9.95) Write Batterers Anonymous, c/o Dr. Jerry Goffman, 1040 Mt.
Vernon Ave, G 306, Colton CA 92324 email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Pathways To Peace Inc.
Self help program for anger management. In addition, offers education assistance with starting
groups. Web site: www.pathwaystopeaceinc.com
Abused Guys: Online, Provides support for male victims of domestic violence. Offers online chat room and message
forum. Must join the group to post. Web site: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/abusedguys email
Husbands Support: Online, founded 1998. Support for men who have been or who are currently being battered by his female
or male partner. Offers message boards, chat room and useful links. Web site: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/batteredhusbandssupport
Women's Emotional Abuse Support, online, Founded
1999. Offers mutual support and understanding for victims of verbal abuse. Provides message boards, chat room, links
and email group. Web site: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/womansemotionalabusesupport